New Day

Today is a new day, one for me.

Not to look back but to walk forward with Thee.

I look to You, you are my stay,

You are my fortress, each and every day.

Praise to Your name, You are my King and my Lord,
Something to forget I can never afford.

None are like You from beginning to end.
You alone have the Great Plan pre-arranged.

Today is a new day, one in which You are beside.
Healing, leading and guiding through all that is prescribed.

I rejoice in You, I lift up a song of praise.
It is by You alone I am raised.

Title: New Day
http://seedsowersseries.blogspot.com
by: seedsower deb

Left to Myself

"I will instruct thee and teach thee in the way which thou shalt go." Psalm 32:8

Left to myself, I would surely die. Slow destruction with a final cry.

I'm learning, life firm in Jesus is the only way. To live life to its fullest without a destructive sway.

I can see myself when I am alone... There are times when I am not looking to and depending on You .

I know Who is before me... And yet, at times, I still tend to wander down the wrong track.

God, I am full of things that squeeze You out. Empty me so I can be fully filled by You.

Guide and lead me, show me the way. Alone with myself, not acknowledging You, surely is an unsafe place.

Come, Holy Spirit, lead and direct me to that narrow way. I need You every second of every day.

How great Your love and forgiveness: That's who You are and Your full intent.

Left to myself... I shudder to think where my journey would end. Grateful that You are here to instruct and teach and lead me toward the right bend.


Title: Left to Myself
http://seedsowersseries.blogspot.com
by: seed sower deb

Choices Made

Choices made today,

Effect our tomorrows.

No going back.

Firmly I sit,

Knowing I am,

Securly in,

The middle of His hand.

Eternally grateful.

____________________________________

Title: Choices Made
http://seedsowersseries.blogspot.com
by: seedsower deb

Serving Thee

The longer I live,
I realize how little I know.

Over the years, I've faced small things here and there.
But nothing to compare to the "great cloud of witnesses,"
whose lives You ensured were penned in Your Book.

No mouths of lions have I had to face,
Or bears which I've had to chase and tear,
No fiery furnace have I had to enter,
No stake on which to be tied, for the purpose of being burned alive,
Nor have I faced being sawn asunder.

The things I do face,
Minuscule as they be,
I take comfort in You,
You are there for me.

One thing I have learned and gratefully know,
Never will You leave me, never will You go.

Always with me...

comforting,

supporting,

providing,

leading,

guiding, and

even carrying.

You call me friend; You say I am precious, your beloved; You call me your child.
Oh for a heart that fears Your name.

For no one can serve two masters.
A man can be devoted to only one.
To the other he will despise and display horrid contempt.

...for it is written and it is known.

Thee I will serve...

...whether I am healed or not,
...whether I master this or that,
...whether I fail or succeed,
...whether my finances improve or stay their lot.

You are my stay, You make the way,
You are my life, my light, my song.

I bow before you,
You hold the key,
To my moments, my days,
For all eternity.

Faithful to the call,
Doing whatever You desire...
...Great or small,
...Known by others, or not.

To find myself kneeling...
Before You on that Blessed day,
Will be more glorious than any words can convey.

_________________________________________________________
Title: Serving Thee
http://seedsowersseries.blogspot.com/
by: seedsower deb

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Seeing the Unseen

I arise today and do the next thing.

My duty is clear...
Honor the King.

Many things I desire,
Those things though are known...
By the One Who sits upon the Great Throne.

Things hoped for, not yet seen;
If they were, there'd be no reason to hope.
For why hope for something already gleaned?

But I see the unseen, as if it were at my door.
Patienty, I know it will arrive, at the appointed time.
Not one minute late or before.

He knows my needs before I ask.
I will gratefully go about my day;
Do the next thing... and bask.

_______________________________________
Title: Seeing the Unseen
http://seedsowersseries.blogspot.com/
by: seedsower deb

Hope

Why are you downcast, O my soul? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God...(1a)

No one whose hope is in You will ever be put to shame. (2)

"No one" - ah, this must surely include "me," as my hope is in God alone.

After many of years of hiding, cowering, internalizing, losing sight of my very being, I now know that it is only He who can and will provide for me, keep me, protect me.

What is it that I have "hope" of?... Oh, so very, very much:

- Resurrection
- Eternal life
- His mercy
- His grace
- Everlasting love
- His great and absolute power
- His soverignty
- His ability to turn a situation around
- His providental care

My "hope" is not one of "oh, I wish this would happen," or "I wish this would come true."

No, resolutely, it is a simple "knowing." He is with me.

May integrity and uprightness protect me, because my hope is in You. (3)

Find rest, O my soul, in God alone; my hope comes from him. (4)

Now shameless and protected, praising my Savior and my God... I raise my heart to the heavens:

Why so downcast, O my soul? Why so disturbed within me? (1)

Nay, I put my hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my Savior (1) and I can for sure say, it does bring one an unexplainable, yet definate hope.

1. Psalm 42:5/6a; 42:11; 43:5
2. Psalm 25:3
3. Psalm 25:21
4. Psalm 62:5
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Hope
http://seedsowersseries.blogspot.com
by: seedsower deb

Lamp Put Aside

I got off track, simply put, because I put the Lamp aside.

It is "Thy Word which is a lamp unto my feet and a light unto my path."

But I simply put it aside... why would I? I ask myself...

One day due to hurry, another day because of chaos, another because of this, another because of that.

Duly, my sight grew dim... it's as if darkness has enveloped me.

But God knows this.

"Why was this man born blind? did he or his parents sin? Neither.

...this happended so that the work of God would be shown in his life."

I would not dare compare my situation with that of being born blind,

As my "blindness" has come by my own hand, or lack thereof.

I can say, however, the work of God will be shown in my life.

I know He has a plan for me, one that is to prosper me, not harm me.
Plans to give me hope and a future.

I have physical eyes with which to see things around me,

But the eyes to the things of the spirit are dimmed,

Oh to see again.

He who is mighty can restore that sight.

His desire is for me to glorify Him.

Oh, I hear Him passing by...

Jesus, I rise with a cry, have mercy on me...

"What do you want Me to do for you?" He says...

Lord, I want to see again.

As to the blind man, to me, He mercifully replies "Receive your sight, your faith has healed you."

Today I Choose

Today I choose to be happy, content, and full of song.
This is the only way to combat those things which are wrong.

God is with me, that is all I need.
I will go along happily, as I am His seed.

He lifts me up when I am down.
He keeps me afloat so I won't drown.
He hovers over me with tender care
How can anyone not be sustained with such fare.

Today I choose to live with Him.
To me I die.
For me that's life.
What riches and joy,

Greater than any gem.

Memories

Oh Lord, when I do not keep my mind on You, ill memories of past,
Rush in fast,
Filling my mind of days gone by.

There I wander through rubble of thoughts,
One leading to another,
Reminising over events,
That cannot be undone, redone, or changed.

Ill memories are like dust stirred,
Once touched, picked up...,
Fill my mind with particals of...
...Events and associated hurts,
...And gross speculation.

All which settle to join other memories,
Making a stronger hold and a thicker bitterroot.

Thankfully, the Holy Spirit's voice arises,
And gently reminds,
That time being spent,
Is on things which You've said to "put behind."

Graciously rising from the rubble of ill thoughts
Come thoughts of what You've done for me,

• How great You are...
• Where You've brought me from,
• Salvation and Eternal Life...

And Soverign Words I've read:

• "...take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ..."1
• "Thou wilt keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on thee: because he trusteth in thee."2
• "...whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things."3

And slowly the crevises of my mind begin fill, with thoughts of You.
Your great power demonstrated in my life, and
Things that are good, true, and pure.
These crowd out ill memories of past and all speculation is pushed aside.

Oh Lord, teach me to quickly say,
"Lord, I give this thought to You,
forgive me for re-living, instead of dying,
Stirring instead of taking captive."

Teach me to say, "This I for-give Lord, and
Thank You for forgiving me.
Thank you for all You've done for me and what You've saved me from.
And help me to keep my mind stayed on Thee."

So that my memories are filled only with thoughts of You, Your greatness, grace, and peace.

1. 2 Corinthians 10:5
2. Isaiah 26:3
3. Philippians 4:8

It is Time to Turn My Eyes

I say, “I cannot do this,”
He says “but, you can.”
He actually says you can do all things
through Christ who strengthens you.

I turn my eyes toward Him and

His Word for I know He has a plan.

It’s not one I can see right now,
But I know it’s in the works.
Because His Word says it is,
I believe His Word.

He actually says His Word was written to
“Teach, rebuke, correct, and train”
So that I may be “thoroughly equipped for
every good work.”

So, when I say “I cannot do this,”
And He says “but, you can,”
It is time for me to turn my eyes

Away from me and toward Him.

Hurts

pain of lonliness hurts
pain of having no vision hurts
pain of doing nothing ever hurts
pain of having no desire hurts
pain of being alone hurts
pain of not having friends to go eat with and laugh with hurts
pain of being by myself hurts
pain of not having anyone to go anywhere with hurts
pain of having a family but not doing anything together hurts
pain hurts
hurts pain
hurts hurt
I hurt

Till Death Do I Part...

I know my God is always near,
Truely I have nothing to fear.

No matter what is seen,
or may be nigh,
He's really no further than my side.

I will keep my eyes set on Him,
Not on the besetting troubles outside or within;
Or the unknowns of what tomorrows may bring.

Confusion trying to pry its way in.
No, bent toward Him is where I'll stay;
Only then can I really see,
His glory.

And to those things which try and keep me spent,
So I will walk dazed and be discontent;
Only to build resentment...
are those things sent,

To stuff down hurts, pain, and distress,
Hoping I will walk a "life of death."
These things I know are only lies,
To keep my eyes from gazing on the Prize,
To them I say goodbye.

I know He is with me, mighty and sure,
This is the truth that rings within
and causes me to endure.

To keep from the lies, I will come often to Him,
Stretching, reaching, with every thread within,

The truth of His presence, which is always near,
rings deep, deep in my heart,
This is the truth on which I will stand till "death do I part."

What are You Waiting For? Get Up and Walk!

For too many years I have been…
sitting, laying, waiting;

Exactly for what, I know not.
Thinking maybe tomorrow my dream will arrive.
Feeling, if I had only hoped, trusted, believed more. Had more faith.
Maybe if I had behaved better, been different, smiled more, did more.
I told myself, things then might have been better.
So much disappointment, frustration, and strife.

Looking back I'm sure it was me having hope in hope alone...
Nothing really to do with...

• "Thy kingdom come, Thy will be done"
• “To gain your life you must lose it.”
• “To live is Christ, to die is gain.”
• "The just shall live by faith."
• “Count it all joy my brethren when you fall into divers temptations.”
• “In acceptance lieth joy.”

No, I lived with my mind and heart filled with I hope...

• this will get better...,
• tomorrow will bring change...,
• I hope things will be different.
• Surely they will, they must.

Yet, always awaking to a similar day.

Then one morning, in my way,
came the story about a man who lay
By the sheep market pool ("Bethesda" that is, in the Hebrew tongue).

There he lay, waiting for an angel to stir the waters,
so he could make his way into the pool….
The first one in the pool, you see, would be made whole,
healed from all their infirmaties.

The man there laid for thirty-eight long years,
...Waiting, hoping, believing that things would be better, in time.
Laying there hoping someone would put him in,
Thinking, tomorrow will bring a change, or
Things will be different, surely they will, they must. . .

The Great Physician, the Healer of all mankind
Stopped before the man one day,
He simply asked the man who laid,
the hoping man, the desirous man…

Do you want to be made whole? "Yes," the man said.
Now, I do not know if it was a quiet, “Yes, only if I could,”
or a loud “YES! man, of course. Can't you see I hurt!"

But none the less, excuses were made... looking up he said, “no one cares;” “no one will help me, they just go about their business as if I were not even here;” “they really don’t care, how could they care?;” “if they did, they would help me get in those waters."

Nothing said by the man phased the Healer...
He just looked him square in the eye and said to the man... GET UP and WALK...

Immediately, the man rose... and walk he did.
and after laying by the waters all those years he found
the waters had nothing to do with his becoming whole and free from his
pain, his sickness, his despair.
It was because of him doing "nothing" that put him in this way.... not looking to the One who knew him before he was formed in his mother's womb and had filled his lungs with the very breath of life.
Nope, it was just him having hope in hope that someday something would change.

My time for waiting,
...Thinking tomorrow my dream might arrive.
...Hoping someone would come along and make everything alright.
...Feeling, if I had only hoped, trusted, believed, more.
...Maybe if I had behaved better, been different, smiled more, did more,
has come to an end.

I have now have heard the words... GET UP, WALK...

So doing the next thing is what I plan to do.
I will depend on "Thy kingdom come, Thy will be done." For without Him, I know I can do nothing.

I will take one step today, my hand in His; forget yesterday; and let tomorrow stay in its place.

My hope and trust will be in God alone. I will walk by faith, and know that my situation is under His watchful providential power and care. I cannot walk by sight of what I currently see, the situations before me.

My dreams are all filled with Him… His imminent return, His power at work in me, and His protection, guidance, and deliverance.

In Him alone do I put my hope and trust.

The disappointment, frustration, and strife I have faced,
Now dissipates with knowing I make my plans, yet God directs my steps.
It is Him alone who will keep my pace and help me face
…all that comes my way.

But the best part is I will be walking along in my journey and not stuck waiting, lying beside the sheep market pool... disappointed, hopeless, frustrated, and filled with pain and strife.

Patience Having Her Perfect Work

Patience must have her perfect work in me,

In order for me to be mature, complete, and totally free.

It is the crown of life that is promised to them,

Those who endure through trials... And who love Him... ...to the end.

When All Is Said and Done

When all is said and done

A person stands alone.

At the end of time

there s/he'll be,

standing still

in front of Thee.

Choices made,

Days since laid,

No going back,

No retract.

Let me "do" today

unto You.

I know it all comes down to

me and You.

Live my life to revere Your name.

Frequently quicken me,

My ear turned to Thee,

My heart tied to...

Your desire.

When all is said and done,

It comes down to me before Thee...

An "Audience of One,"

Oh Lord, that I will have glorified the Son.

Prisoner By Choice

I am tired of pain,
The emotional kind.
My heart feels empty,
Spite clouds my mind.

Wishing for happy,
Fun-filled days.
I only go about in a fog-filled haze.

I am tired of hurting,
the emotional kind.

I see nothing genuine,
I feel only painful grinds.

I have an enemy who hates me.
Never a kind word to spare.
The accuser of the brethren.
For sure it's only what's in it for him.
That's his only care.

But what about me?
Whose heart do I seek?
To be kind to others, despite all, stay meek?
Do I seek the One's who died for me?
Or try and comfort my own heart?
Tis the latter.

Why do I stay in this state,
Why won't I go?
I really can't answer
I'm too numb to know.
Too caught up.

I see others living, loving,
Laughing.
Why can't I?
Nothing to laugh about.
Much though to cry.

I want to be free
I want to have fun
I want to have a purpose
Living as promised by the Son.

I don't.
It's my choice.
Misery, oppression, obsession.
Confession.
That's where I'm at.

God help me to be free,
I do not know how;

I am full of anger, hurt, pity, unforgiveness.
Because of this... prisoner by choice.

Yes, freely You give, freely I can receive... but I've got to forgive first, and then...

"...to break free from this, in my anguish cry to the the LORD, for He will answer me by setting me free. The LORD is with me; I will not be afraid. What can man do to me?" Psalm 118:5-6 (NIV)

Ah, I am my own worst enemy,
Held as prisoner, by choice.

So What About Tomorrow?

"

"So What About Tomorrow" was co-written by Seedsower Deb and Marlene Hoenig.

Today, I shall not worry about tomorrow,
As it is not promised to me.

God's Grace is sufficient for today,
And there is no Grace set aside,
from which I can borrow.

"No, we aren't promised tomorrow, But know that we are loved TODAY and forever, in spite of what this world throws our way."1

He asks that I be anxious for nothing, rather with thanksgiving,
I'm to watch and I pray.

His peace, all understanding passes,
Keeps my mind on Him,
And my heart in certain array.

For as today is,
So shall my strength be.
And I know for sure,
He will supply my need.


1. quote pulled from writings of Marlene Hoenig, Director of Eye of the Storm Ministries

Faith Shields by God's Power

Through faith I am shielded by God's mighty power,
From now until that final hour.

That final hour when Christ is revealed,
Revealed to us us all, no longer concealed.

Regardless of nation, race, sex, or gender,
All will witness His glorious splendor.

Doubt will vanish and scepticism will flee,
As all will bow before Him on bended knee.

It will be at that time the Mighty will say,
To those whose trust is in the blood of He,

It is time my child,
Come enter into My presence for eternity.

What I am is Plain to God

What I am is plain to God (2 Cor 5:11b NIV)

I can only trust my Lord for today.
For tomorrow is not yet promised,
And, yesterday, is a memory, but past.

Today, I sense an emptiness, an unkowing, an uncertainty.

Oh may I not be pulled about by doubt and fear,
I must stand my ground,
Trust my God,
I know He's near.

Flee emptiness - for greater is He who is in me than he that is in the world,
Be gone unknowingness - for though I make my plans, God directs my steps.
Crawl away uncertainty - for He who began a good work in me will complete it until the day of Christ Jesus.

Depending on His strength, peace, and wisdom coming down from above,
I'm told to be "ye therefore wise as a serpent, and harmless as a dove." (Matthew 10:16).

This shall I be by His power and grace.
Searching my heart to surrender all...

...that brings Him disgrace.

For what I am is plain to God.
Though I groan with a longing to be clothed with my heavenly dwelling,
I know while here, I have His Spirit as a heavenly deposit.

May I live by faith and not by sight...

...for what I am is plain to God.

Strengthened by Grace

It started as I walked in the door...

Why did you do this, why didn't you do that?

I tried to defend, but the voice wouldn't hear,
I initially shrunk back, not recognizing fear.

Alone in my 'safe' room, atop of my bed,
I buried my face toward the wall and I said:

O' God, please help me see You in this fire;
Grant me grace to rise from this mire.

More important, give me strength to keep my mouth closed ,
As I know I can do nothing without You.

It's only through You I can do all things,
As you are the Vine and I the branch.

Strengthened by grace, I went about the night,
Going about my evening, not looking for a fight.

As I truly desire no argument, no contention,
For I am an Ambassador for Christ within.

Help me to display Christ, to stand firm
Not to rely on myself, but on Him.

Help me to always stand, for You have delivered me, You deliver me, and You will continue to deliver me.

Lord help me to live for You Who died for me (2 Cor 5:15), help me to not regard anyone from a worldly view (2 Cor 5:16),
But to always stand and believe solidly in You.
Firm in your arms as You see me through.

Train My Brain?

Train my brain? How is that so?
By "sync'ing" with Him,
Who'll ensure it will grow.

Stretching, reaching, I emerse my thoughts deep in Him...
Trusting, believing and my mind begins to bend;

To the conformity...
...of His Son.

My heart and soul by Him was won,
Bought by Him with His shed blood.
His plan all along?

Surley it was.
My brain designed to glorify Him,
to love others and have peace within.

O' That I Would Love You

"Unite my heart to fear Thy name." (Psalm 86:11b)

O' that I would love You.
You Who are in me and I am in You.

Your Word says this is so.
But my life tells a different woe.
Lord, let my journey begin,
To turn,
Before it is time to end.

The path and fields have become too much.
The constant contention, raging are too much.

My very own actions are killing me.
I do not know how to flee.

I've heard it said,
'when the glory of the Lord fills a place there is no room for anything else'

O' Father that Your glory would show on my face.

I sit at your feet knowing I can do nothing to earn Your love.

Help me to Obey You in order to walk in Your way.

Help me Lord,
I must stop blaming my nasty "be" attitudes on someone else,

I must believe You in all things and for all things,
And stop the doubting, and complaining,
Talking about, thinking about how things should be done and blaming.

I say I am the only one who walks and lives like this...
But, now You remind me of others in a previous place in time....
As with the Israelites, my thinking is keeping me stuck in the wilderness of my own demise.

I come to You now, seeking You.

"Unite my heart to fear Thy name" (Psalm 86:11b)

O that I would love You,
You Who are in me and I am in You.

By Grace and Power Can I Live

Only by Your power and grace can I live
Help me today of my life to give.

So that this vessel which I fill
Is empty of me
and filled with You
Who lives.

Help me today to surrender all
Surrender all I say
All to Jesus this very day.

Full surrender to You
Total abandonment
And trust in you
It must be you.

Help me to see Thee
Only Thee
Balance me.

Help me to fear Thy name
which is "...the beginning of wisdom and the
knoweldge of the holy is understanding." (Proverbs 9:10)

Thy will be done
Full surrender
And trust in You.

Only by Your power and grace can I live
Help me today of my life to give.

Who Am I?

Who am I when the world completely halts?

No TV,
PC,
MP3;

Just me.

No car to go,
to store or show;

Just me.

Do I know who I am?
When all is quiet and confinement's my stay?
Will I be able to distinguish
my way, The way?

When the darkness goes out,
Will I see the light?
Which alone can keep me from fright.

Trauma within, for many a year.
I failed to know,
It was pushed far deep down below.

Who am I? Alone? Just me?

No, I am a sojourner,
I'm His,
Visiting, I see.

Laugh oh my soul, sing aloud.
And watch the darkness move on as a cloud.

Oh soul, get quiet.
For when the vapor is gone and all tis left is a faded flower,
I, who is me, and am in He,
without doubt, will see...
in that triumphant hour.

I set worry aside, and let Faith take her stand,
For I am His now, and when the journey here ends.
It is coming, however soon, it will surely take place..."
Declares my Supreme and Sovereign Power. (Ezekiel 39:8)

Free to Be Me?

The teacher said,"the brain can be trained."
Hmmm, I thought, "Can this be true?"

"You see, your brain was configured by God, he continued on, So we can think on Him and live life in peace and harmony. In the Garden of Eve, at the beginning of time, there was no pain, no dissension, only unity and joy divine."

Train the brain I still thought? Hmmm, does this hold the key... along with the Spirit who now dwells within me?

The key for me to be united, disciplined, and sync'd with He.

Will this let me be the me He intended when He created me?
Regardless of the pain, grief, and heartache that tends to...come my way.

Sure, with His Word at hand, a quiet heart, and my mind turned toward Him, it is then I can hear his voice;
Through all of this, He ensures my mind will be transformed,
To the conformity of His Son.
Yes, I say, a brain can be trained, both sides working in unison.

I immerse my thoughts deep in Him,
Trusting, believing, my mind begins to bend... Toward a mind like His.
My heart and soul by Him was won.
Redeemed.
Bought with His blood.
His plan all along.

My brain truly was designed to think on Him,
Having the potential to believe, have faith, and be disciplined;

To love Him above all others, love one another, and have peace and joy within.
So yes, I say my brain can be trained.
So I can be free to be me and united with Thee.
To have the mind of Christ.

For it is freedom Christ came, and whom the Son sets free is indeed free.
Free to be the me that person He intended me to be.

I am exiting now from the widened road that keeps me so distracted and traveling so
fast.
I can now begin to travel the narrow path which moment by moment will lead me so Him. Training the brain to be in sync with Him.

What a journey... free to be me which He intended all along.

Freedom and Glory

Freedom and Glory
http://seedsowersseries.blogspot.com/
by: seedsower deb

Written at sunset on a beach in Tampa, Florida , USA

I am amazed at the vastness of God's Glory reflected by the setting sun on the water's surface and the freedom illustrated by birds soaring and diving through the air without a care.

"From the rising of the sun to the going down of the same, the Lord's name will be praised."

For me setting suns and soaring freedom do not always find my door; rather it is continual conveyors of threshing wheat, spinning clay on the Potter's wheel, and thrusting into fiery furnaces that I see.

I love the Lord through all of these things. For I know there is a time for everything under the sun... as it is written.

I accept postponement and the apparent temporary contradiction of promises...

...though they be nigh at my door. And the high place and the glory which peek from around the corner, they are just a matter of time. (As the Promiser is not a man that He can lie.)

Whether it be threshed wheat in a bin, clay on the wheel, or burning heat in a fire, by His grace I will go. As for certain, as I am penning these words, He has a divine plan for me:

• wheat separated for His glory,
• clay molded into the vessel fit for His purpose,
• burning heat removing all the dross.

With joy, come what may, all is accepted. As in acceptance lieth joy. Though things can appear dimly, there is always that glimmer of hope from time-to-time and realization of the final hour when all will be clear and the temporary will pass into the eternal.

Oh my Rock and my Fortress in You do I trust... for it is You who is my Stronghold.

No more pain, no more tears, no more shrinking back. Only glory and freedom... basking in the actual presence of God, shining as the sun's rays flickering on the water's surface and the birds soaring freely in the air.

Days Seen through Haze

Days Seen through Haze
http://seedsowersseries.blogspot.com
by: seedsower deb

Oh I love the days,
Even those seen through haze.

So much gained,
In the aftermath learned;
Even when pained,
As with any discipline.

How great He is,
Always on time;

To meet the day's bumps and grind.

I know to stay...
Below the cliff,
Under His wing,
Pressed hard to His bosom,
And at His feet.

It is here...
Him I meet.

His Word in my hand,
My mind and heart set on Thee;
He gives me grace,
He smiles on me,
To clearly see...

Him through all of the haze.

Oh how could I not,
Love such days....

brought to you by Seed Sower Series. If you wish to be removed from the Seedsowersseries blog publication listing, please email Seedsowerdeb and your name will be removed from the distribution list as soon as possible. Blessings.

To The Wall

• 
  "To the wall," quoted the preacher, "did the king turn."*
  
  Once high,
  brought low,
  All due to his pride.
  
  Forgetting...
  From where here he came,
  And Who he represent.
  
  It all came tumbling down,
  Only then the cry of repent.
  
  "Have mercy on me,"
  Toward the wall he cried.
  
  Knowing all too well,
  The depths he'd reached.
  
  That he was just one breath away...
  From the condition in which he lay.
  
  Not a human soul could save him
  Nor change his circumstance, not a chance.
  
  No human arm could hoist him
  From that pit's length or depth.
  
  Only God above whose unheavy ear could hear,
  The cry of the broken and contrite man.
  
  His ear never too heavy to the hear anguished cries,
  Of men who for so long turned their ear from...
  the Word preached;
  
  Only then to find themselves in the pit of deep despair.
  
  The Almighty's arm never too short to reach down, No matter the span,

To rescue the hearts of those led into such depths. Who finally cry out, "Have Mercy on Me."

Have mercy on me,
My own soul cries.
It's toward the wall I turn,
Knowing it is there I find Your mercy, compassion, and
grace.

For, my time here flies,
And, I too realize, my life is but one short breath away.

_______________________________
2Kings 20:1-5

Wall Broken Down

There is a song with a verse that goes like this, "He is our peace, He has broken down every wall, He is our peace, He is our peace. Cast all your cares on Him, For He cares for you...."

I've always sung the song as if the walls that are being broken down refer to the troubles I face in my life. Not so. After singing that song for so long, I finally see, the song is not about the walls (my troubles), at all, but it's about Jesus.

The Word says "He is our peace, who hath...broken down the middle wall of partition...." (Colossians). That wall is the wall of hostility that for so long was erected between God and man. A "wall" that prevented man from coming to God.

In the natural realm, before Christ, there was an actual veil, which acted as a wall, that separated a typical man from coming into the Holy of Holies to get help and forgiveness by offering a sacrifice for sin. In the spiritual realm, since the death and resurrection of Christ, the wall is an actual division between God and the heart of man.

It is only because that wall was torn down when Christ hung on the cross and gave His life for ours and shed His blood that we can now come to the Throne room, the Holy of Holies, and cast all our cares on Him.

This interpretation is exciting to know - it is much more personal, knowing that God tore down the wall of hostility so we can walk with Him and He with us, so there can be peace.

Because of this possibility of reconciliation we are "no more strangers and foreigners with God...," we can now come freely and with confidence to the "throne of God that we may obtain mercy, and find grace to help in time of need." (Hebrews 4:6)

Grace

At each and every turn

of this race,
Grace fills my days.

Complete and utter amazement
of His ways.

Joy lifted high,
the lower my pride.

Peace so real,
It's something I feel.

Even when trials thread their way,
Into my day.

They only lead me back to Grace,
It's so sufficient.

I am so amazed.

Brought to you by http://Seedsowersseries.blogspot.com If you wish to be removed from the Seedsowersseries blog publication listing, please email Seedsowerdeb and your name will be removed from the distribution list as soon as possible. Blessings.

Crimson Red for Me Shed

Crimson red,
for me was shed.

Alone to atone, for sin bred,
In all men born.

Though my sins be as scarlet
they will be white as snow*1

Said He,
through eternity,
for all along that is His plan.

At that moment,
the curtain torn,
between God and man.
To give access to
The Throne room
so grand.

To allow mercy
to help find
grace in time of need.*2

From Abba, the Father,
who alone,
can take the lead;

In lives torn and shaken,
Hearts broken and tired,

To reborn the person, or
Restore him anew.

It is all by the crimson red,
shed for me and you.


*1 Isaiah 1:18
Also http://www.cyberhymnal.org/htm/t/h/thoyours.htm (words to song written by Fanny Crosby in 1817)
*2 Hebrews 4:16
________________________________________________________________________________
"Crimson Red for me Shed" brought to you by: http://seedsowersseries.blogspot.com/

Your Spirit Who Gives Life

Your Spirit Who Gives Life
brought to you by Seed Sower Series: http://seedsowersseries.blogspot.com/

O' Lord it is Your Spirit Who gives life,
Not human words so passionately expressed during strife.

Thank you for Your calming array,
Which clothes me completely today.

I could feel Strife trying to rise from within my being,

Nudging, prodding "are you going to stand for such taunting?"

"Say something back, say it now,

"Else you will be considered a coward,

"Stand up for yourself, you're so in this alone,
"You know you are the only one who does anything worthwhile in this home.

"Come on, let it be known, say it out loud,
"Otherwise you'll be conceived as a clown."

I closed the door to the room I call 'safe,'
catching a quick reflection of my face.

In the quiet I bowed my head for a moment,
My thoughts immediately turned to calm from torment.

It was in that quiet place I could hear,
"O' Lord, You are my righteousness," it rose slightly from within,
"I am your worshipper," the Voice ever so thin.

Closer I became unified with that Voice,
The Strife which had risen earlier, had to back away, no choice.

The song of praise rose higher inside,
I then thought of my Lord, my Jesus who died.

Died did He, but then rose again,
To give me freedom from previous, current, and future sin.

Sin of contention, which Strife wanted so much,
To stir into action so it could disrupt,
The peace and joy that are promised to me,
From God, my Father, Lord of Eternity.

A Voice larger than life arose deep from within,
"It is the Lord who is the deliverer from all sin.

"Human words of defense have no power to fend,

"The Lord is your helper, let Him defend."

Ah, alone I am not, what Strife said is a lie.

You Lord are here; and I remain under your watchful eye,

It is You alone Who saves and keeps.

Thank You so much for chasing Strife way,
By Your holy presence, that grim fearful day.

O' Lord, it is Your Spirit Who gives me life.
Not human words so passionately expressed during strife.

A Walk By Faith - Alone

"Nothing else but this seeing God in everything will make us loving and patient with those who annoy and trouble us. They will be to us then only the instruments for accomplishing His tender and wise purposes towards us, and we shall even find ourselves at last inwardly thanking them for the blessings they bring us. Nothing else will completely put an end to all murmuring or rebelling thoughts." H. W. SMITH. These words were penned by Hannah Whittal Smith in the 1800 circa.

This is a woman whose husband, once a fiery evangelist, preaching the gospel to thousands, turned away from it for something other than being obedient to the Holy One, even to the point of taking up a mistress in the years before he died.

This woman, who also gave birth to three children in her life, one of whom died at an early age, watched her other two, once devoted to "The Way," grow up and away from God and the faith that she herself walked in her entire life.

It could only have been God and the Holy Spirit within her that allowed her to pen such words and to walk by faith without her family, seemingly alone. But I know, she knew what lie ahead, she could see the celestial city....

As I continue to travel on the narrow path to that city, oh for eyes to see Him, a heart filled with only Him, and ears closed to everything but the voice of the Holy One.

Breakthrough

brought to you by Seedsowers Series

BREAKTHROUGH

A seed is planted.

Rich soil and moisture cause the seed to break open under the ground. Roots begin reaching downward. Life within the seed stirs causing it to stretche upward. The seed begins turning into a living plant.

After a little time of struggle and stretching; the plant finally breaks through the soil. Its new and tender shoot stretches upward toward the sun. External elements keep it alive: water, sun, nutrients.

My life is like that seed.

To grow, thrive and ultimately breakthrough that which would hold me back or keep me down, I must continually depend on the external elements which God has provided for me.

It is the Son I must continually reach toward.
It is the Word I must soak in.
And it is the Holy Spirit who I must let flow through me.

To cast these "elements" aside and try to grow, thrive, and live without them means the same for me as it would that little seed...

...a stunted life form for a short while; and then the inevitable, death.



(written in March 2003 - dss, Seedsower deb)

Safe In the ARK

Noah, after he was in the ark of safety, the ark's door shut by God Himself, could do nothing but wait with his family through the biggest storm of the world and for the for waters to recede.

This picture of Noah and family floating makes me think of our position today with others and with Christ.

Like Noah, Christians have entered into the ark of safety – that is Jesus Christ. Prior to coming into the ark, we did not know Christ. A wall (sin) separated us from God. Some of us lived good lives, others lived "riotous/wonton" (Bible talk for wild, crazy, unrestrained, and totally self absorbed) lives.

But when we entered into the ark, the wall came down, sins were forgiven, and God shut the door for us to be in a place of safety, sealing us with the promise of the Holy Spirit.

Even though we are in the ark of safety now, rains fall around us daily – we float atop of issues, assaults, insults, persecutions, our own temptations, and false doctrine which try and tear at our bowls so to sink us.

However, grace keeping us afloat; God who shut us in the ark of safety will not let us sink.

Meanwhile we rest in Jesus, we sit and wait, each taking care of day-to-day activities. Surely Noah had a lot to do in overseeing the day-to-day activities on the ark:

• ensuring all those animals stored on the boat were fed,
• ensuring they were cleaned,
• the stalls washed out, and
• assuring his family continually that God is faithful, and for them to trust in Him because He would return for them one day.

We too have day-to-day activities to tend to while walking out our faith:

• share our faith with others (Noah must have shared the story of God speaking to him about the ark with his wife and children),
• anticipate the blessed appearance of our Lord (Noah sent the birds in anticipation of land),
• wait patiently for our Lord's return (patiently Noah sat in a boat floating, floating, floating, waiting, not knowing the day or the hour), and
• dealing with day-to-day issues that life has a way of throwing our way.
  
  
  We eagerly await the day when God will open the door of heaven for us and usher us in to His eternal kingdom. I am sure once we arrive there, the magnificence of our surroundings will far surpass that of the rainbow that Noah was shown.
  
  Lord help us to be still in you, be close to you, be patent in you, be content in you, be active in you – until the day of the Great Promise arrives.
  
  

The WUD Factor

Here is something that jumped off the pages when reading the scriptures in Proverbs. It spoke volumes to me.

Feel free to use it as a Wall paper for your PC or print it out to post on your bullentin board (sorry if it appears grainy). If the entire graphic does not show in the frame on your screen, click on the graphic to see the full version.

Blessings, Seedsower deb.

Drawn from Deep Waters... Drifting

Drawn From Deep Waters... Drifting - Written: 10/8/1997 - dss

"He drew me out of the deep waters."

Once again, I've drifted out too far. The tide has carried me away. I knew before stepping into the water of its underlying current and its subtle drawing power.

Yet, I still ventured out.

Now I am too far out to get back in on my own - the very current that gently took me out, will now keep me where I do not want to be - in deep waters.

My strength is not enough to tread to the shore. The further out I drift the less of the shoreline I can see. Huge waves come at regular intervals crashing over top of me and cutting off the view of my focal point... drifting, drifting, drifting.

"In my distress I called to the Lord; I called out to my God. He reached down from on high and took hold of me. He drew me out of the deep waters." (2 Samuel 22:17, Psalms 18:6 and 16).

Holy - who do we have in heaven or on earth, but You Lord? Oh to be back on solid ground. Give me strength today to stay firmly in your way and away from the tempting waters.

Many thanks

Father you are so good to me;
I thank you for showing me
mercy when it shouldn't be.

You extend your love when most would shun;
Always forgiving when I fail
Thank you that You'll not leave me undone.

If it were I "working on me,"
I would have stopped long ago, thrown in the towl, and gotten up from the potter's wheel.

But you are faithful, working always Your perfect plan;
shaping and conforming me to the image of your beloved son.

Thank you that you will never quit;
What an honor, what an end it will be to the
...beginning.

Laugh or Cry

Do I laugh now, or do I cry?

Let me not ask the question why.

All for a reason, a reason for all.

To make one's character mighty and tall.

We rejoice in our sufferings,

for it works patience in our hearts.

This patience forms character and experience,

then comes the next part.

Hope...

And it is hope that will never leave us

disappointed or dismayed.

To You I'll handover all tormenting, frustrating times,

and grow in Your presense, oh Hope Divine.

Being and Doing the Next Thing

Who am I when circumstances try
to defy
the peace and joy that are mine
by design?

Given to me to live life in harmony.

I know this state is possible,
as it is decreed,

By the Ancient of Days
Who came to set captives free.

Free am I? To be me and stand tall above all?
Yes, it is so... who says?

I know. For it has been said from the beginning of time
we are...

Free to stand by the power of Grace Divine

So to circumstances surrounding, I denounce with set face.

Surrender will I only to Thee, setting my heart to unite
to honor Thy name and be the me You intended.

Having done all to stand, I will continue this Way,
being me as designed, and doing the next thing..

totally understood it's by Thy power alone

...with peace from above and a joyful heart,

Regardless of what opposes, or come what may.

The Way

Although I do not see Him,
I know He is there;
Taking hold of my every care.

Every care given,
He replaces with Light;
sustaining me always from morning to night.

Casting my cares on the One who always will care,
keeps me safely secure;
in the Master; and in...

the Way.

Blooming or Fading?

Today I feel more as a fading vine rather than a blooming flower. I like to be productive. I like to know that what I do matters. Jesus when asked if He wanted something to eat, replied "my meat is to do the work of my Father." In other words that is where He got His sustenance, doing what He was sent to do. If He was not doing the assigned task, there was no life so what would be the point?

I am grateful for a nice job, a good boss, a great family, and a good home. But lately, I do not feel if what I do is valuable or has meaning. I feel like I am fading. Productivity, knowing what you do has meaning and value, is quite important.

Maybe all of this is that what I am doing is not the work the Father has intended for me? And, somehow, I have gotten into situations that are not included in His plan for me? Is this factual? Or is it something I am rationalizing because today I do not 'feel' productive? Surely, all humans have slump days?

Today I am in the Garden alone... I want to hear the voice of the Master. If this is a time for me to simply be content with where I am, and surrender my will "to be productive" give me peace in that. If I have managed to get myself off track because of my own doing, please move me to where You want me to be.

It is very noisy here on earth. Help me to get quiet, to hear Your voice and to grow in Your grace and knowledge, and more importantly to be about the Father's business; whether it be busy about things or sitting at Your feet. Forever Yours, in productive times and in times of lull.

Faith, Righteousness, and Wine (or Whine)

On the way to work one morning this week I was dealing with a bit of news I had gotten in the mail that was very unsettling. I was talking to God about it as I drove. I also spoke out loud (very loud) saying all of the things that I wanted to say to the person who caused the unsettling news.

As I drove and spoke to God and the absent person, I recalled my morning devotion, which was about wine coming from grapes and how grapes had to be smashed and stepped upon before becoming the fine form of priceless wine.

All of this discussion between the absent person, God, and myself caused me to realize the battle I was experiencing was not with flesh and blood, it really was nothing over which I had control. That realization took me to picturing myself putting on the “Whole Armor of God,” which is mentioned in the Bible's book of Ephesians.


I pictured myself putting on the helmet of salvation and the breastplate of righteousness, girding my loins with truth, and shodding my feet with the preparation of the Gospel of peace.

I took up the shield of faith in my left hand firmly holding it in front of me, and the sword of the Spirit (which is the Word of God) in my right hand. I was praying with supplication in the Spirit.

But then I saw myself slowly lowering the shield of faith toward the ground. I was thinking to myself and saying to God, “God, this shield is way too heavy for me to carry.” I was trying to walk, the shield lowered and dragging the ground. I could see myself struggling to put one foot in front of the other as I walked. I said out loud, “Well God, you know, I am really tired of being a grape, when is all of this going to end? He said my grace is sufficient for you. I said back, well then I am sure to end up as a fine bottle of wine by the time my life on earth is over.

Then something in a millisecond crossed my mind… I saw that though the shield of faith, which was still in my hand, was lowered to ground and that it was not held in a position where it protected me from the fiery darts of the invisible evil one, the breastplate of righteousness was still in place! It was there, sealed by the Holy Spirit, protecting me. And also realized because I was praying with supplication in the Spirit to God (talking with Him) I was synchronized with God and this allowed His great peace to fall upon me; and it turned my heart and mind to Christ Jesus.

I then realized that it was He who faced more than unsettling news and situations in His life. He walked on this earth and was trampled upon by mankind. He faced mockery, beatings, and the cruelest of all deaths. All of that for mankind... even though He knew the condition of man, rather it be "depravity" or "nobility," He still came and He still died so that we could be reconciled to and have a relationship with God.

I am glad to have met with God on that morning while driving to work. I know my day would have been atrocious without that morning conversation and I know my co-workers would have suffered as well because of my disposition. I am glad to say with my loins girded with truth and my feet shod with the preparation of the gospel of peace I was able to confront the person who caused the unsettling news with love later in the day. I can also say this morning, I’m not feeling like a loose grape rolling around aimlessly; rather I feel a bit more safe and secure, contained in His presence (as wine would be in the confines of a bottle).

Blessings, Grace, Peace, and Love… Seed Sower Deb

Planting Seeds of Truth today will Yeild a Harvest Tomorrow

Planting seeds of Truth today will yeild a harvest for tomorrow. Here are a couple of spots I love to visit daily:

My Utmost for His Highest: http://www.myutmost.org/index.html

Daily Strength for Daily Needs: http://www.crosswalk.com/devotionals/dailystrength


Not only are new seeds planted at these spots, but existing seeds that are in my heart get watered. And, I get to meet with the Master Gardner who gives increase...

...Loving the "Garden." Seed Sower Deb

Unless a Grain of Wheat is Buried...

My brother-in-law, Ronnie Eurwell Dodson, passed away a week ago today.

I would not let myself believe Ronnie was going to die. But, he did. It was unexpected. Cancer showed itself on July 5, 2008 and on September 8, 2008 his memorial service was held. Never has anyone in my family who I was close to at the time died. I miss Ronnie.

It was not until after he died did I realize my feelings about Ronnie.

Ronnie was always kind to me, always. Whenever I walked into a room where he was, Ronnie always smiled at me, always. In all of the seventeen years I have known Ronnie, he never said one thing to me that was unkind, never. Rather, he always had something nice to say to me, always. He prayed for me, when I was in his presence and when I was not. He loved my husband's and my little boy, he loved our older children, he loved us as well.

Why is it that we do not think about these things, realize them, until after a loved one, close friend, or co-worker is gone? Self absorption? Closed eyes to that which is real life, to that which is most important - people, relationships, losing self, giving versus getting.

I was reminded this morning of the scripture from John 12:24-25 (the following is from The Message translation):

"Listen carefully: Unless a grain of wheat is buried in the ground, dead to the world, it is never any more than a grain of wheat. But if it is buried, it sprouts and reproduces itself many times over. In the same way, anyone who holds on to life just as it is destroys that life. But if you let it go, reckless in your love, you'll have it forever, real and eternal."

It took Ronnie to die for me to realize his kindness toward me over the years and his love for me and my family. I am sorry I did not realize these things before he was taken to his eternal heavenily home. I am not sure he knew I loved him as an uncle- father-figure. I never told him.

Oh for opened eyes and a heart that is reckless in love toward others, that does not hold on to this world for self-absorbed pleasure. Let me see the value in others each and every day, and tell them as much. Not when they are no longer here with me on earth, when nothing then can be said.

Blind Eyes That Can See

draft Here is the beginning of the post. And here is the rest of the post.

"Oh what a happy soul am I although I cannot see. I have resolved that in this world contented I will be. How many blessings I enjoy that other people don't, to weep and sigh because I am blind, I cannot and I won't."

The words above were penned by Fanny Crosby when she was a mere eight years old. Fanny became blind at a very early age after a physician inadvertently applied some type of caustic ointment pads to her eyes causing her eyes to be scalded.

During her 94 years on this earth, Fanny wrote over 8,000 hymns. During all of the years which she was physically blind, she could see God better than most.

There are several web sites dedicated to Fanny Crosby. Here is one that gives a little history, shows a few photos, and has many of the songs that she wrote and each has music and the words to the song included as a link: http://www.cyberhymnal.org/bio/c/r/o/crosby_fj.htm


One of my favorites is "Blessed Assurance (Jesus Is Mine... This is My Story, This is My Song...)"

1.
Blessèd assurance, Jesus is mine!
O what a foretaste of glory divine!
Heir of salvation, purchase of God,
Born of His Spirit, washed in His blood.

Refrain
This is my story, this is my song,
Praising my Savior, all the day long;
This is my story, this is my song,
Praising my Savior, all the day long.
2.

Perfect submission, perfect delight,
Visions of rapture now burst on my sight;
Angels descending bring from above
Echoes of mercy, whispers of love.

Refrain

3.

Perfect submission, all is at rest
I in my Savior am happy and blest,
Watching and waiting, looking above,
Filled with His goodness, lost in His love.

Refrain

Thankfulness

I know it is a few months before November, but I am feeling very thankful right now for many things so I thought I would post this before the "official month of thanksgiving."

I am thankful for the awesome grace of God Who is pouring love and joy into me at a steady rate and turning my sadness, hurts, and disappointments into praise. I know it is seeds of prayer, the fruit of His Holy Spirit, encouragement from others, and His Word that have been planted, watered and are now growing in me by the grace of God.

I am also thankful for the sold-out Christians who lived out the command to “go into the highway and the by-ways and compel them to come in.” If it weren't for them, I doubt I would be journeying toward heaven this day, let alone writing this blog.

To all of you I say thank you for taking the time to stop me on the street corner to invite me to church. Thank you for thinking enough of me to give me a ride when it was raining, or offering me a place to stay when I had none. Though I only took you up on the offer for the rides, all of your acts of kindness meant more to me over time than anything else in the world.

This very day I can remember each place and time of the day where and when you showed me kindness just as if it were yesterday. I want to say thank you for seizing the opportunity to tell me that God loved me and had a plan for my life.

It was the simple acts of kindness that planted seeds into my heart. Seeds that were watered by other Christians over time and ultimately increased and harvested and caused me to accept Christ as my Lord and Savior when I was at the cross-road of my life.

You were not a paid staff members of your church, doing what you had to do – you were individuals who make up the church. You were obedient to the calling of God to go into a lost, dark world and share His love with those without Christ. You were set apart -- as all Christians are -- to do His work.

None of you who shared the love of God with me then know today that I am a Christian. That was 23 years ago. Because I have been so transformed by the power of God, you would not be able to pick me out of the crowd today. I hope your fire for sharing the Good News has not grown cold. I pray you haven’t stopped taking time out of you busy schedule to tell others that God loves them. I am thankful for your lives and selflessness.

Counting my blessings this day and every day and extending a thank you to those who may pass by way of this blog site.

A Garden to Grow and Cherish

Once a barren stretch of yard, this area, which is quietly tucked away in Woodville, Florida, has within a couple of years been transformed into a quaint and lovely garden.

A garden not only to sit in and enjoy the cool of the day or evening, but a place where birds can come to eat and drink and swoop and play.

At night, solar-powered lights show reflections of ceramic birds and frogs positioned in various places with ceramic angels watching over every petal, leaf, and stem.

A wood-burning pot belly stove when used gives off warm heat from its glowing embers. Growing around the paremeter of this garden are a variety of fruit and vegetables plants: tomatoes, oakra, figs, and blueberries.

It is amazing what one can do with a little seed, water, sun, and effort. Here are some photos taken of the quant and wonderful little garden. What a beauty....



And here is the woman who made it happen, my sister-in-law Patty.

Safety In Midst of a Storm

I have been walking with the Lord thru several very hard things... His hovering wing is so great... it is like walking in a fierce rainstorm under the raincoat of a very tall and strong person.

I see myself under the raincoat on the right side of this person, safely tucked under His arm, face hidden toward His chest, my right hand is clinching onto His coat, my left hand and arm are tightly wrapped around His waist.

As we make our way down a dark and rain-soaked path, I peek out from between Him and His raincoat. I see nothing but pouring rain. I then hide my face toward His chest again, I am totally dependant upon His lead as we walk because only He can see where it is we are going.

"He guided them safely, so they were unafraid..." Psalm 78:53; "You are my hiding place; you will protect me..." Psalm 32:7

Darkness Swallowed Up by the Light

This is the testimony of a very close and personal friend of mine who I knew from 1958 until 1985. I understand that today she is living her life for the Lord, keeping a home and family, and working a full time job. God is truely amazing. He can take anything and make something beautiful out of that life.

Crouching behind a chain-linked fence and peering at the people in the parking lot, I wondered, "How did I get here?" and "Why are those people looking at me so strangely?

The last thing I could remember was sitting in the bathroom of my small, grungy hotel room injecting a hypodermic needle filled with drugs into my vein. I had done the same thing thousands of times over the last seven years. This time, however, as I stood to take the needle out of my arm the lights began to dim. With the needle still in my arm I went to the outer room to check the lights. There was only one problem - the lights were on, it was my light that were going out. I felt myself starting to fall, darkness was surrounding me! I do not know how much time passed, but the next thing I knew, I was outside crouching behind a chain-linked fence.

As I stood and started walking back toward my hotel room, everyone who had gathered stepped back allowing me to pass by, as if they were afraid of me. Once in my room, the person who had also been doing drugs with me, began throwing questions at me: "Are you okay? Do you know what your name is? Can you remember what happened?" Still dazed, I only listened as he told me what had happened. "You came out of the bathroom and went toward the light switch as if you were going to flip the switch, then you fell to the floor and went into convulsions. The next thing I knew you went limp." He went on to tell me how he had checked for a pulse and heart beat, but that there were no signs of either. He was really scared, so he put on his shoes on to leave. But just as he got to the door, he said I got up suddenly and went toward him and tried to stab him with the syringe. He was able to run out of the hotel room and I ran after him.

As bizarre and frightening as this had been, it was not enough to make me kick my drug habit. Less than a month later, I overdosed again. This time it was in my drug dealer's house. He and his wife found me limp on the floor after shooting up drugs in a side bedroom. I had no idea why either of these times I had been released from death's grip; I only knew I was glad I wasn't dead.

Eventually, these events would have a significant impact on my life. Because of these incidents, the thought of how close I had come to death would continually arise in my mind and I could not help but wonder, "What would I meet on the other side of this life if I died?" This wasn't a conclusive thought, for coupled with it was the realization that the God I had always heard about, but did not know, was real and he had spared my life, not only once but twice. I didn't know why; I just wondered why He would even care to spare someone like me. By most standards I should have been behind bars or dead. I truly thought I was of no value to anyone the way I was, nor could I ever change for that matter.

Four months following the two overdoses, I continued to do drugs with no other mishaps. A gentle voice started dealing with me. Thoughts such as, "God really does love you; you are worth something; and, do not think you are destined to live this way and die this way, there is a better way for you," began to penetrate my hard heart.

One particular night in another hotel room, while all alone, this same gentle voice said to me, ever so softly, yet in such a compelling way I will never forget, "You may continue to travel the path you are currently on and I'll never stand in your way, but I tell you, the end thereof will be pain and destruction. But, if you will turn to the path I have paved for you and follow it, that way will bring you peace and eternal life." Those words were so real, it was as if someone were actually sitting in the same room speaking them to me. I sat there thinking, "which way should I go?" I knew I needed to give an answer soon because it occurred to me that this person, whom I could not see with my human eyes, might never pass my way again.

Over the years, I had come to accept the thought that I was destined to either end up in prison and spend the rest of my life there, or die a junkie. However, what I was hearing from this gentle voice was totally different from what I had conditioned myself to think. I began pondering, "Was there really a different path, a better way?" "If so, how could I find it?" Oh, how many times had I wished things were different… that I could start over again. I had put myself in a hard place, thinking I did not need anyone for anything. But after hearing these words, I was able to see how lonely, hurting, and needing I really was. A ray of hope began to set in, for in that same evening in a journal I was keeping I wrote my answer, "...if I take God I will not end up alone."

How true those words turned out to be. The path that gentle voice spoke of did lead me to a new beginning. Two months later I sat and watched a Billy Graham crusade on TV. I would never have left such a TV program on prior to these incidents, but something in me wanted to hear what this man was saying. At the end, Mr. Graham asked if anyone wanted to accept Jesus Christ as his or her personal Savior. He said this Jesus died for the sins of the world and that through Him peace and eternal life could be received. It was the same message I had heard in my hotel room two months earlier! Yes! This is what I wanted. All alone in the room I prayed and asked Jesus to forgive me of my sins, to come into my heart and life, and make me a new person. The darkness which had surrounded me in that small, grungy hotel room months before, was swallowed up forever by the Eternal Light that will never go out.

Since then my life has never been the same. Incredibly, my desire for drugs was replaced with inner peace, fulfillment, and a new purpose. All the things that had held me prisoner and threatened my life before were removed. At last I was free.

The Lord led me to a Bible believing, teaching church. I learned that I had a purpose in life and that I am a valuable individual. God opened the door for me to go into the local jail of my city and share the Good New of Jesus with the women inmates. The message is pretty much the same: The life they are living can change; it does not have to stay that way. God has a plan for their life and He loves them. He wants them to come to know Him and to have the assurance of eternal life with Him. He wants them to be a witness for His kingdom to others. He will make a way where there seems to be no way.

I can say I am now a new person in Christ, the old has passed away and all things have become new. I am thrilled to know that my old person is dead and that my life is now hidden with Christ in God. Yes, troubles come and troubles go, but through them I have someone who I can forever turn to. Someone who cares for me, someone who encourages me, and someone who gives me strength to go on.

Oh Lord Jesus, how good you are to me,
knowing who I was, you still hung on that tree.
You knew the only way that I could be free, was to shed your blood on Calvary.
For the only way that we may see God Almighty, is through Thee - dss, 2004


I rejoice this day, that "I am a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people belonging to God, that I may declare the praises of Him who called [me] out of darkness into His wonderful light. [For] once I was not a people, but now I am [of] the people of God; once I had not received mercy, but now I have received mercy." I Peter 2:9, 10

Are you in darkness and do not know how to find your way out? Look to the Light of the world, Jesus Christ. He knows where you are, He can hear your cry, and He cares for you. Reach out to Him today. His light will swallow up the darkness that surrounds you.

The Bible says we have all of us have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God. We are told the wages of sin is death, and that unless a man is born again he cannot see the kingdom of God. [1)

The good news is that God so loved the world that He gave his only begotten Son so that whosoever believes on Him, he/she will not perish, but will have everlasting life - this new and everlasting life is the gift of God that comes only thru Jesus Christ [2]

If you have not yet come to God to receive the gift of His Son Jesus Christ, you can do so right now. Just pray the following:

Thank you Lord for speaking to my heart. I know that I am separated from You and I would like to be part of your kingdom. Please forgive me for the sins I've committed in my life. I want to accept what Jesus did on the cross for me as the forgiveness of my sins. I do believe that Jesus Christ is God, I believe that He died and then rose from the dead, and I want Him to be Lord of my life.

If you prayed that prayer, know that you are now a child of God - born anew into His kingdom. Jesus said as many as received Him to him God gave them the power to become sons/daughters of God. [3]

After this is done, find a Bible preaching church. Talk with the pastor at the church about reading the Bible, communicating with God, a Bible study for new believers, and water baptism.

[1 - Romans 3:36; 6:23, John 3:3]
[2 - John 3:16, Romans 6:23]
[3 - John 3:3, John 1:12]


...Some Sow, Some Water, But it is God How Gives the Increase.