I would not let myself believe Ronnie was going to die. But, he did. It was unexpected. Cancer showed itself on July 5, 2008 and on September 8, 2008 his memorial service was held. Never has anyone in my family who I was close to at the time died. I miss Ronnie.
It was not until after he died did I realize my feelings about Ronnie.
Ronnie was always kind to me, always. Whenever I walked into a room where he was, Ronnie always smiled at me, always. In all of the seventeen years I have known Ronnie, he never said one thing to me that was unkind, never. Rather, he always had something nice to say to me, always. He prayed for me, when I was in his presence and when I was not. He loved my husband's and my little boy, he loved our older children, he loved us as well.
Why is it that we do not think about these things, realize them, until after a loved one, close friend, or co-worker is gone? Self absorption? Closed eyes to that which is real life, to that which is most important - people, relationships, losing self, giving versus getting.
I was reminded this morning of the scripture from John 12:24-25 (the following is from The Message translation):
"Listen carefully: Unless a grain of wheat is buried in the ground, dead to the world, it is never any more than a grain of wheat. But if it is buried, it sprouts and reproduces itself many times over. In the same way, anyone who holds on to life just as it is destroys that life. But if you let it go, reckless in your love, you'll have it forever, real and eternal."
It took Ronnie to die for me to realize his kindness toward me over the years and his love for me and my family. I am sorry I did not realize these things before he was taken to his eternal heavenily home. I am not sure he knew I loved him as an uncle- father-figure. I never told him.
Oh for opened eyes and a heart that is reckless in love toward others, that does not hold on to this world for self-absorbed pleasure. Let me see the value in others each and every day, and tell them as much. Not when they are no longer here with me on earth, when nothing then can be said.
